Love – the highest degree of selfishness

posted in: The Journey | 0

Falling in love is pure magic, indeed!

Looking into someone’s eyes, your heart starts beating faster and you know, you are in the game again. No more free will, no more logic, you are floating with the flood of your emotions.

We open up, trying to show our weaknesses and strenghts.

We think in ourself “I live for you, I die for you”. And we are realy and truly happy that we found our mate.

Emotions deepen, and we are so high with our mate. Then we start to realize that we are so down without him/her. Thats the point where dependance begins to rise.

Old wounds, bad memories, fears, bad experiences switch on in our mind.

And we start to fear of losing our mate. We want to posess our mate. We raise our expectations sky high. We are leaving reality, we are leaving the here and now.

We hear what we want to hear and we see what we want to see.

Our fears and hurt feelings take over control in our mind and heart. Behaviour changes, and we start to destroy our highly appreciated relationship.

We do not want to live for our mate anymore, we are chasing our own happiness in a neurotic way. We start to feel that our love is not requited. Then we accuse our mate and start hurting him/her.

Then the vicious circle started.

We all know the end of this game. We all know the suffering, the pain, disappointment when love turns into hatred. 

In the beginning, we think we are riding a pony together, but soon we recognise that we are raging on a beast. And we are afraid to tell the truth, that we have no control over it, we are just sitting on its back and praying for survival. Then we realize that the beast is inside us, the beast is a part of our soul. It is always with us like a shadow, in all of our thoughts, feelings and deeds. What is this beast and what can we do with it? Who is in control of our life? First, we don’t know of its existence, then we realize, the beast is inside us. Then we try to supress it, try to defeat it, try to fight with it, without any success. Our beast is as strong as we, it is as smart (or even smarter) as we. Then one day, we just simply accept it as it is. Sitting in front of it, staring into the dark eyes of our beast. And in the reflection of its eyes we recognise ourself. We recoginise all our pain, all of our suppressed feelings and wishes inside the beast. This attention brings light into the shadows. Behind the shadows we notice a small, hurt child in the half-light. If we are able to hug him with love, affection, unconditional acceptance, then that is the very moment, when we start accepting who we are. We don’t need to meet other people’s expectations anymore. We know who we are, we know why and from where we came. We start seeing things as they are. We see everything crystal clear. We know our duties, we know our tasks. We have no fears anymore. We are open to every experience. 

tantric love

Then love could be the highest form of devotion. Love could be the highest degree of union between two spirits.

Falling deeply in love is our greatest teacher anyway

We are never the same person again after a deep encounter.

It is a long long way to get rid of our fears, our past, our expectations, like surfing on the waves of the ocean, we have to learn how to surf on our emotions without letting them to destroy us and our life and our relationships.

It is hard to attain to be able to keep our mind and emotions in balance, like dancing on the edge of a sword. Mindfulness can help us to enjoy this crazy, careless ride, which love brings to our lifes.

And after falling down and down again, we need to get up from our depths, reconsider our actions, let our hate, pain and attachments go.

Open ourself up again and wait for the next wave to ride.

Some of us are not brave enough for the next big wave to ride and establish a boring, loveless relationship, based on common interests, common fears and attachments for security. They do not want to feel the pain again, to be hurt again, they do not want to change and rise in consciousness.

As the saying says: life begins outside of our comfort zone. And I think real love, happyness and development comes from real deep love. 

Real, unifying, elevating love relationship is based on going against our greatest fears and insecurities. 

When we abandon our selfishness, drop off our masks, throw our expectations away then we are ready for a truly inspirational, transformational, egoless love relationship.

Until then, we need to climb back to that surf board again and again, even if it hurts, and try to enjoy the ride and learn from our mistakes, recognise our shadows as much as we can.

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